The Connection Between Your Brain & Sex

The Connection Between Your Brain & Sex

Joylux welcomes guest blogger and self-care strategist Kelli Jaecks! Author of the Amazon best seller Martinis & Menopause, Kelli also writes a popular blog about women’s health. We’re delighted to have her share her menopause story, as well as some fun and frisky insights into feeling sexy at any age. Enjoy!

As a menopause survivor, and author of Martinis and Menopause, I know a thing or two about menopause. I teach women strategies to not only survive but thrive through the menopausal years. I know what works to lower hot flash severity and clear brain fog. I dedicate an entire chapter in my book to talking about sex, and how to keep that lovin’ fire burning when your sex drive is gone, and your vagina feels like sandpaper.

I had survived and thrived during my menopausal journey! But my breast cancer diagnosis threw me for a loop. I have experienced menopause two more times because of this disease, and subsequent treatment.

How? What? I know, I couldn’t believe it either.

For about 10 years I was on very low doses of bio-identical hormones, to help with my natural menopause symptoms, and post-menopausal health. The North American Menopause Society (NAMS) reports that about 1.4 million women in the US are using bio-identicals. From personal experience, I know the power these hormones have for energy, brain clarity, sexual desire and combatting hot flashes. In addition, estrogens protect our brains, bones and hearts.  I and many health providers believe that the benefits of low-dose bio, or body-identical hormones can immensely help the menopausal woman navigate this season of life as a more balanced, less hot, less forgetful human being. 

Enter my cancer diagnosis. My breast cancer was estrogen and progesterone positive, which 80 % of women with BC in the united states are. Does this mean my bio-identical hormones caused my breast cancer? Not in the least. They were one small risk factor in the mix of my total health. Every women’s diagnosis and treatment is very personal. I had to immediately discontinue use of my bio-identicals.  Within three weeks I was in menopause for the second time! My body was flashing multiple times during the day and my moods were erratic. My medical oncologist prescribed a small daily dose of Lexapro to control the hot flashes and thankfully, it worked.

After a few weeks of recovery from my mastectomy, I had to start taking anti-estrogens, to lower my risk of getting breast cancer again. That little daily yellow pill threw me into my 3rd menopause!

This time my symptoms included rapid weight gain, depression, painful sex and low energy- I then found relief in another prescribed medication, along with leaning into meditation, and being consistent in an affirmation practice. I’m happy to report I seem to have stabilized and am thriving again.

I have experienced menopause 3 times. I know how important it is to be your own health advocate, to know your body, and to honor your body’s needs. My body needed sex.There are so many positive results that come from sex and orgasms. Here are just a few:

  • Reduces chronic pain
  • Lowers breast cancer risk
  • Lowers stress levels
  • Powers up the immune system

Who doesn’t want all of that? I know I do. So, when my menopausal symptoms started affecting my sex life again, I went searching for more answers.

And this is why I am here writing this blog for Joylux. I have found renewed sensuality, and painless, enjoyable sex again after using vFit!  There are so many ways to get your sexual self jump-started again, and the most powerful help is inside of your head.

Have you heard the saying that our brain is the most powerful sexual organ? It’s true!

As women age and our hormones shift and change, we eventually lose most of our sex hormones, making the brain even more important in sexual health.

The brain is involved in all phases of sexual pleasure- including wanting to have sex, feeling desire, and orgasms.

There’s a reason erotica, listening to sensual music, thinking about sex and sexy lingerie turns us on - our Brain!

The brain takes in sexual stimuli thru all of our senses. Whether it be reading, watching, listening, feeling, or smelling - all of these senses send messages to the brain, which drives our sexual response." 

Sexual response is how your body changes emotionally and physically during arousal and sexual activity. The heart speeds up, blood vessels open, and increases in sensation and pleasure are felt.

Unless it doesn’t. 

Sexual Drive vs. Sexual Arousal

During the menopause transition, the body is shifting the primary sexual response from desire to arousal. Instead of starting with the I-want-you-so-bad drive, sexual response starts with all the arousal pieces of foreplay and emotional connection. So as we age, the things that drive sexual response change. Spending time and energy in creating sexual arousal becomes the primary force and stimulating sexual zones becomes more important. Stimulating our brain for sex becomes more important.

What worked before, doesn’t work as well now. 

I personally always loved having sex and enjoyed a healthy sexual relationship with my husband for years, until menopause. In the last years of my menopause transition, the desire for sex was gone. I could care less. Our regular sexual routines and communication just didn’t work any longer. Much of the reason why was because my estrogens and testosterone were basically gone. So, we had to change up the bedroom scene! In my book, Martinis and Menopause, I devote an entire chapter to sexual changes and solutions -revving the brain for sex, anticipating sex, planning for sex, and creating more time for sex. 

How Do We Use The Brain To Feel More Sexually Aroused? 

Want to use your brain to help with feeling sexually aroused and increase sensation & pleasure? Try these suggestions below:

  • Think about sex 
  • Notice others around you being sexual or flirting
  • Indulge in sexual fantasies 
  • Read articles, or stories with sex in them
  • Listen to podcasts about sex
  • Remember positive sexual encounters and how good they felt
  • Put sex on the calendar. Anticipation helps arousal!
  • Create an environment in your bedroom that is beautiful; from the sheets on your bed to the fragrances you smell.
  • Stimulate intimate wellness during menopause with Joylux Intimate Care Solutions

Sex and sexy feelings start in the brain, so if you want more — use that brilliant mind of yours! I guarantee you will feel sexier.

Kelli Jaecks, Self-Care Strategist