Get Comfortable Asking for What You Want In Bed

Giving feedback during sex can feel intimidating. These conversations are rarely a part of lusty scenes in movies — and it definitely didn’t come up during the awkward sex talks we had as kids. It’s as if women are supposed to automatically enjoy every part of sex merely because they have it.

But communication is crucial to your healthy sex life. When done the right way, feedback in bed is a huge turn on. It can bring you to new sexual heights and improve the intimacy between you and your partner. Remember, your partner wants to please you as much as you enjoy pleasing. So, let’s take charge of your pleasure by advocating for what you want in bed. Not sure how? We’ve got you covered.

The Right Way to Give Feedback In Bed

It’s a common misconception that bedroom feedback is a step-by-step instruction manual on what to do. This process feels mechanical and directive. Instead of thinking of it as a how-to guide, focus on sharing your feelings and desires. Tell your partner when something feels good, and also share how you like to be touched and where.

It’s also important to vocalize when something doesn’t feel good. Tell your partner to ease up, be firmer, or change positions when needed. You can use subtle phrases such as:

• “Keep doing that.”
• “I want more/less of that.”
• “That feels really good.”
• “Go slower.” 
• “I love when you do that.”

When it comes to feedback, you may not always enjoy the results. But it shouldn’t keep you from trying something new. If you switch positions and it’s not comfortable, it’s okay to tell your partner it’s not working.

Tips To Make Bedroom Talk More Comfortable

Opening these feedback loops invites more explorations, increases sexual expression, and also leaves room for your partner to ask for what they want, too. If verbal expressions are difficult for you, come up with physical cues to share when you need less or more of something. Such as a wrist squeeze when you’re uncomfortable or stroking your partner’s hair when you want more of something.

Here are a few other great tips to consider when communicating between the sheets:

1. Be proactive: You're in control of your pleasure, and your partner can’t read your mind. The more proactive you are when it comes to your needs in bed, the more likely you’ll experience intense pleasure.
    
2. Be forgiving: Sex isn’t a perfect act. It’s a hot, messy, animalistic beautiful dance between two humans. Humans who are also tangling in sheets, throwing unintentional elbows, and laying on hair. It’s better to laugh with each other than feel frustrated in silence. Laughing in bed makes sex even more fun!
    
3. Be respectful: Your partner may not be able to fulfill all your desires. But that’s perfectly fine. Setting boundaries by both parties is imperative. Talk about boundaries before you try anything new or you experience sex with a new partner.

Getting Your Sexual Needs Met After Menopause

Your sexual needs may change post-menopause. Talk with your partner about any changes you’ve experienced, so you can navigate new ways to explore sex together. This may mean extended foreplay, where you spend extra time warming your body (and mind) up for sexual intimacy.

It may also mean slowing things down, exploring sex outside of intercourse, or even getting more adventurous in bed. Menopause is a fantastic time to revisit your sexual desires and revamp your sex life. Many women find it fun to not worry about pregnancy, and it gives them the freedom to explore their sexual pleasure in new ways.

It’s likely your partner has fears about whether or not they can please you. So open up the dialogue before you get naked. Then talking about what you liked and want to explore more after you finish. Talking about sex doesn’t just have to happen during the act.