No matter how long you’ve been single, you’re aware of how different dating is when you’re older. You’re no longer looking to experience the novelties of young love — the first sleepover together, first vacation, first home purchase.
Now you’re looking to create your next experiences and hoping to find someone you can grow old with. Your idea of love probably looks different now, as well. Your younger self had a list of boxes to check that included specific physical characteristics, career goals, and lifestyle factors.
You’re ready to go deep and build a connection beyond what’s showing above the surface. Here’s what you can focus on for improved intimate wellness as you search for new love later in life.
Take your time to know a person before you dive in
One thing you likely learned from your younger years is that fools rush in. Now that you’ve built the life you want and you’re settled in, you can take your time to truly know the person sitting across from you.
You want your next relationship to be built on substance, and not just passion. Make sure your goals align, that you have similar interests and that you know you want the same things from each other.
You know exactly what you want your life to look like in this next chapter. You don’t want to compromise your goals to fit into someone else’s life. Going slow will give you time to ensure you’re with the right person for the right reasons.
Focus on what matters most
Be clear about what you want when looking for a new partner. You’re taking life seriously, and your potential new love should take you seriously, too. When seeking someone, make a list of qualities you want in a partner. Consider qualities like companionship, empathy, warmth, and affection.
Also, think about how you want to show up in a relationship. Are you looking to share a home with someone eventually? Do you prefer to live separately, but spend time together? Do you want a travel companion, or do you want to travel solo?
As an important part of women’s intimate wellness, the more in-tune you are with what you want and don’t want, the easier it will be for you to vet your potential partners during the honeymoon phase.
Love is wonderful, but it isn’t enough
As harsh as it sounds, if you’ve been in love with the wrong person before — you know exactly what this means. As you grow older, you want to explore with your partner, share adventures, and feel a desire for each other. You also need to ensure your values align, and that you’re with someone with whom you share mutual trust, respect, and understanding.
Sure, dating is fun. It’s nice to have someone to share a meal with or see the latest movie. But your next partnership should allow you to feel vulnerable, safe, and cared for.
Communication should be prioritized
You may have not voiced your feelings in the past due to not wanting to hurt your partner. But lack of communication is the quickest way to put up walls in your relationship. Find someone where open lines of communication are normal and comfortable. You want someone who hears you, recognizes your needs and also honors your differences.
Use your experience to your advantage
You have a broader view of relationships when you’re older because of what you’ve experienced in life. Use these experiences as a guide toward building a life with someone that’s meaningful, while also considering the importance of your intimate health.
You’ve been in love before. Take with you what you enjoyed about that relationship, and let go of what didn’t serve you with your previous partners. If you feel old patterns start to arise, recognize them and get curious about them. Spend time talking through these feelings rather than ignoring them for the betterment of your relationships and overall intimate wellness.